Counseling for Recovering People Pleasers
Reduce your anxiety around putting yourself first & improve your relationships with yourself & others.
As an (ongoing) recovering people pleaser myself, I get it. Many of us have been taught from an early age “not to rock the boat,” or have been praised and awarded for being a “good kid.” It can feel incredibly anxious to consider that someone might be upset with you. Perhaps you try to set boundaries but find yourself backing down when you receive push back, even if it’s not in your best interest. You don’t want to come off as selfish, rude, or demanding. You genuinely care about others and get enjoyment from seeing them happy.
BUT you’re exhausted! The “costs” of pleasing everyone can be huge, and in some cases can look like emotional distress or burn-out. You recognize that the way you have been functioning in the world is not sustainable for you.
“People Pleaser” is not your identity.
This is only a part of you that has taken on an extreme role in your life. Its goals are to keep you connected with others, help you feel worthy & valued, and protect you from shame & pain. It’s a learned behavior, and with compassion and curiosity it’s possible create a new role for it that protects you and serves you better!
What does recovery from people pleasing look like?
Recovery starts with exploring and understand the underlying patterns and beliefs that drive your people-pleasing behavior. By recognizing these patterns, you can gain insight into why you have learned to prioritize others over yourself and begin to challenge these ingrained tendencies.
From here we may practice setting and maintaining healthy boundaries that honor your needs and values, empowering you to say no, and take care of any feelings guilt or fear of rejection that you may experience.
As you recover from people pleasing and begin to prioritize your own needs and values you’ll
Gravitate towards relationships that align with your authentic self.
Fostering deeper connections based on mutual respect and understanding.
Feel free from worry about other’s feelings.
Feel confidence that you are stating true to yourself.
Recovery might, at times, include upsetting others. People who aren’t used to you setting boundaries with them may be confused and push back. It will be hard, but being a people pleaser is already hard and you can do hard things!